but i really wish people in fandom would be more honest.
‘i hate this pairing because it deviates from my head canon that my OTP are in love.’
‘i hate this female character because, like all women in patriarchal societies, i struggle with internalised misogyny and it’s easier for me to hate her than to accept this canonical pairing that’s different from my OTP’ (and/or ‘because i’ve been raised to believe this female character exhibits traits that are bad in women but good in men’).
‘i want to write a fic about the break up of a canonical pairing that demonises the female character because i want the male character to remain the Good Guy so the other character in my OTP can justifiably be in love with him. this story makes me feel good. it comforts me.’
see also: liking problematic things does not make you a bad person.
‘I want to read fic where a male character is feminized, infantilized, and treated like a cherished possession, because I struggle every single day to make my way in the world as a woman and an adult, and it’s hard, and it’s tiring. And I want to do it. And I will do it. But there’s still that part of me, uneradicated, that has internalized a tiny seed of a misguided idea that it would be easier, better - less of a struggle - for a woman to stay home barefoot and pregnant, while someone takes care of her. I don’t want this for myself. I know that nothing about that, in real life, is easy. I’m uncomfortable enough with it that I have to displace the actual explicit gender out of it in order to read it. But this is what I want to read.’
I would just like to say that ever since I started phrasing things in this way, it’s helped me enormously to get the fuck over what other people thought of me and my writing — and what I thought of my writing and my kinks.
Here’s one: “I want to read fic that centers on unequal relationships, including BDSM and dubious/non consent stories. But Bad Shit has happened to me in real life before, so I’m more comfortable reading and writing about a same-sex couple. That way I don’t have to worry about societal inequalities, or feel like my gender is under attack like I do when even glancing at 50 Shades and its ilk.”